Maybe I will

I’ve reached the point where I’m seriously considering getting Lasik on my eyes. I’ve been near-sighted since I was twelve. I hated wearing glasses. My sister made fun of me, but that’s what siblings do. In middle and high school, I was forced to take gym, and I was the kid who always caught the volleyball or basketball with my face. Smash those glasses into my nose! I chose vanity over vision as often as possible.

The first ex-husband wouldn’t let me buy contacts. He said everyone he knew who wore them hated them. They were uncomfortable and he wasn’t going to waste the money. I do believe I still have that huge pair of 80’s glasses in the bottom of my sock drawer.

The first thing I did when he and I divorced was take back my maiden name. The second thing I did was get contacts. I would have worn them no matter what just to prove him wrong. I was thrilled to find out they actually were comfortable and I actually had perfect vision with them. One set of contacts had me corrected to better than 20/20. I had 20/15 in each eye. I had super vision! I remember one summer night looking up at the clear, Texas sky and seeing thousands of sharp diamonds on black velvet. Yes, the stars at night ARE big and bright deep in the heart of Texas!

It was fantastic to see clearly, to see everything near and far and in between. I saw my face in the mirror instead of seeing glasses. I could stand across the room and see to put my makeup on. I could wear fashion sunglasses. Those tiny, thin pieces of plastic are purely magic. I enjoyed a decade of perfect eyes.

Alas, Texas allergens beat me down, gave me dry, itchy allergy eyes that couldn’t handle contacts. Then I got old and my eyeballs warped so I couldn’t see close up. I had to wear “progressive” lenses they say give you near, far and in between vision, but, they lie. There’s no in between. I can see through the tops or the bottoms, but not the middle.

There are troughs indenting the sides of my head and divots on each side of my nose. This where my glasses sit.

Lightweight Progressive lenses, with scratch-resistant coating, get more and more expensive every year, closing in on $500. I think Lasik is becoming a good option. It would be so nice to be able to see again!

I’ll use the doctor my husband went to a few years ago. Dr. Smith was a flight surgeon, and now he is a Lasik specialist. He spends a weekend every month down at the Air Force base in San Antonio helping the airmen with their eyes free. He had steady hands and a great bedside manner.

I can get payments for the procedure, so that’s not a problem.

The drawback is I can’t wear mascara for two weeks. Two weeks. Trust me when I say I have no face without mascara. I have blonde eyelashes. I even wore waterproof mascara when I had the C-sections because I didn’t want to scare my babies.

I’ve asked around for suggestions as to what I can do short of wearing a bag over my head. How does one function without a face when they have to go to work and see people? Worse, be seen by people?

One young woman told me her corneas were too thin for Lasik, but she did get permanent eyeliner and I might want to do that.

I have never, ever, EVER wanted to get my eyelids tattooed, which is what permanent eyeliner is. EYE TATTOOS. How freaking painful is that????? Holy smokes!!! Just writing this gives me the heeby jeebies.

The only thing that happened, she said, was her eyelids were crusty for a couple of weeks, but it was okay because it just looked like makeup.

What? WHAT??

Has anyone ever in the history of ever thought crusty eyelids were pretty?

A more sane suggestion was wearing my hair extra pretty to draw attention from my face. How about full bangs down to my chin?

I’ve worn makeup since I was 12. Mama NEVER left the house without a full face on. Only since January 2015 have I been able to go outside without a full face. I will even walk the dogs around the block with no makeup, no mascara, nothing on my face except my glasses. Granted, it’s before dawn, when the vampires are hurrying home from the night shift, and they don’t care.

Yes, I do hide behind those Maybelline eyes. My war paint. I would be incredibly naked and vulnerable with a bare face in public.

What’s the worst that would happen? What if I dared to go bare? Hmmm

Having a wonderful time! Wish you were here.

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